Resting state

The pain I am getting from cancer is getting steadily worse. It is now painful to breathe. I think I will soon put in for Vountarily Assisted Dying, which, fortunately, is now legal in Queensland

Liniment

I have been full of cancer for over a year now but have been suffering no pain from it. That happy state came to an end on August 5 this year when a stabbing pain in my chest emerged. Since then, pains in my hip, knee and shoulder have emerged. I am falling apart in my old age.

I can as a result no longer walk unaided. I use crutches and thus avoid the pain associated with walking. That makes me a complete invalid as Jenny and Joe are needed to help me do many things. Joe has moved back into the apartment adjoining mine to give quick help with falls etc. I had radiotherapy to help with the pain and I take various medications but the shoulder pain in particular is persistent and bothers me a lot. Anti-inflammatories and analgesics don't help much.

I was therefore much surprised when Jenny rubbed a liniment into my sore shoulder and it worked. I became pain free for the rest of the day

Liniment is of course an old idea and there many fomulations of it. The one Jenny uses is called "Pain Away" and contains a blizzard of plant oils etc. No prescription needed.

A lady I like

Fortunately, she likes me too

A breakfast development

Anne has for some time been uncomfortable driving so has driven only to my place at breakfast time to see me. George normally drives her anywhere else she wants to go. He likes driving her cars. But that has now come to something of a head. She has decided to keep up her usual visits but will come to my place by bus. That does entail a fair bit of walking at either end of the journey so I am very appreciative of that effort

Today she came by bus but arranged for George to pick her up at the end of the visit. He ended up running rather late but I enjoyed the extra time with her

In bed with a long-haired blonde

Every man's dream, I think. And when it is preceded by a bottle of Grange it is even better

During her big trip around Australia, Anne did not cut her hair. And when she came away from the hairdresser after she got back from her trip she arrived at my place with hair that was long and straight and blonde, which pleased me. It is quite rare for ladies in their latter years to wear their hair long but Anne knows I greatly like it that way. And when we are together our custom is to lie down in bed together and listen to classical music. Our relationsip is only Platonic these days but we find it most comfortable to listen to music abed.

And last night was very special. I got in a bottle of Grange to celebrate her returning safe and sound from her trip. She did go through some rather hairy places during the trip. I sent the demon shopper (Jenny) to Sedimentary wines a few days ago to pick up the Grange and, true to form, she did buy well. She got the 2010 vintage for $999 -- a vintage that has got 100 points out of 100 from many of the critics

So we had a dinner at my place last night with Jenny cooking Scotch fillet for us and a crystal goblet of Grange for each of the 3 of us to wash it down. We also had 8 very fresh Sydney rock oysters each as an appetizer -- and they were exceptionally tasty too.



And there is nothing quite like the taste of Grange. It is a smooth taste all of its own and very pleasing.



For dessert we each had some roulade -- a sort of Pavlova. Unlike the original Pavlova, the meringue is spread out on a tray, baked, then layered with cream and berries, rolled up and served as a roulade



Anne helped Jenny clean up after the dinner and then came into my room for us to spend the rest of the evening in bed together. She stayed until 10pm and after that spent the rest of the night in my guest room. She sleeps very easily but I am very restless in bed so that arrangement suits us. Jenny slept in Joe's bed in his adjoining apartment. Joe slept on his futon.

Jenny was in an exceptionally good mood all night. She got to drink a lot of Grange on special occasions when we were married so she was delighted by a return to that custom

A day in the life of an invalid

Since early this month I have had to walk around using crutches. The pain in my hip if I try to walk around unaided makes that imperative. But Joe has moved in to the adjoining apartment here to be around to help me. Having a son is definitely recommendable

But crutches make it difficult to get down a flight of stairs. This evening I tried to get down the back stairs with Joe's help. The stairs were easy enough but what came next was the problem. I was faced with a longish walk to the car or being wheeled there. The terrain made the wheelchair incapable, though we did eventually manage it with much stress on me

We had good meals at a Korean restaurant at Stones Corner. Getting in and out of the car was pretty easy there. And on coming home I got up the front stair with comparative ease.

It was my first outing for a couple of weeks so I greatly enjoyed it. I was getting stir crazy. We left about 6pm and got back home about 8pm -- whereupon I promptly fell asleep until about 10pm. The outing was hectic for me so I enjoyed the sleep too

Requiem for a blog

I have always put up a number of blogs, mostly hosted on Blogspot, which is a free blog hosting service offered by Google. One blog that I was rather attached to was initally called "A Western Heart" and later renamed as "The Psychologist".

I did however put up on it a number of things that Google greatly disliked, so they abolished it. It no longer exists. I have however put up a partial substitute for it on a non Google plaform, find that here:

http://jonjayray.com/select.html

On the substitute blog I avoid mentioning the sort of thing that Google disliked so I hope they will index it.

People may however be curious about what appeared on the deleted blog so I have grabbed a random couple of months of it from the Wayback Machine and posted it here:

http://jonjayray.com/awe.html

It is a large file so may take a minute to load

Milestone

With much help from the incomparable Jenny, I have just completed my third session of radiation oncology. There were 5 exposures over 5 consecutive days. The first two episodes a few years back were completely successful so I have good hopes of the latest treatment.

So far, however neither main effects nor side effects of the therapy have emerged. I am told that it will take a couple of weeks for the final effects to be known. I do still have some pain but Ibuprofen and Paracetamol are keeping it down to a tolerable level. I need a 4-point walking stick to get around however

So I am at the moment pretty geriatric. Whether I will be bouncing around like Fred Astaire in a couple of weeks seems doubtful however,

Cancer treatment chronology

I have been battling cancer for about the last 5 years -- both metastasized SCCs (skin cancer) and prostate cancer. Each time it flared up, modern medicine has pulled me back from death and left me in no pain and in perfect comfort.

The latest flareup occurred when I noticed a pain in my chest a that would not go away. So I saw the excellent GP Dr Deep for advice. He ordered a couple of scans which revealed that I am full of cancer, with a tumour evident at the pain site in my chest. He recommended radiotherapy to fix it.

So I went to my oncologist to consult further about it. He compared the latest scans with a scan taken about a year ago. He advised that most of the cancers had been there under control for some time and that the latest localized flareup could be eliminated with radiotherapy. So I have now been set to begin 5 days of treatment starting from 26th.

Chronology:

Saw Dr Deep 6th August
Saw Oncologist 8th August
Saw Radiologist 12th
Setup process for radiotherapy 19th

There will be some time for me to get over the radiotherapy but I have gone under radiology twice before so I think I know what to expect. I expect to be well again around 6th September

I tried a number of pain medications while waiting for treatment, starting with Paracetamol. When that became ineffective, I moved on to the opiates, Targin, Tramadol, straight Oxycontin and Codeine. I paired them on all occasions with Ibuprofen as an anti-inflammatory. All were reasonably effective but the opiates all led to excesive sleep. Something -- probably the Ibprofen -- has however eased the pain to nuisance level only so I am not at the moment taking any pain-killers. So I am back pretty close to normal

My early life

I have just completed the first draft of a project to put up a chronological record of my childhood and early life. It was mainly aimed at supplementing my dire memory of my past but I have put it online for anybody else to scan who may be interested. See: http://jonjayray.com/earlier.html

My second wife, Joy

I have put up on this blog quite a bit about the ladies in my life so it has occured to me that I have said nothing about my second wife, Joy. There is much that I could say but I think the following short notes do have a place here

I met her at a Mensa meeting quite soon after splitting with my first wife but nothing much came of it for a while. Joy then put an invitation in the Mensa newsletter for people to join her in an evening run along Bondi beach (she was living right by Bondi beach at the time). I was one of those who responded and we got to know one another in that context. We started dining together after our run on the beach and one thing soon led to another.

She was a medical detailer (salesperson for a drug company) when I met her and already owned a few investment properties. She was born in Glasgow, Scotland, and grew up there

After travelling around a lot in Britain and overseas during her days as a nurse, Joy emigrated with her brother Stephen to Australia when she was in her early 30s. Her mother and stepfather (a retired Glasgow Police Inspector) followed soon after.

She had had various relationships before she met me but had never married or had children. That really is a bit strange as she was in my experience of her a very loving person. I remember I used to give her a lot of bear-hugs.

She has an almost obsessive interest in anything medical. No wonder she started out as a nurse. Our dinner conversations would sometimes be about the latest academic journal articles on matters of interest to her.

A curious thing about Joy is that she was a smoker when I met her but I never knew it. She knew my dislike of it so just did not smoke in my presence and then just gave it up altogether. She must not have been heavily addicted. It paid off, however. Some years later she did a spirometry test and was found to have early emphysema (of which her mother later died). The specialist who ran the spirometry told her that by giving up smoking when she met me she had added ten years to her life!

Around 1975 I moved in with her and married her about a year later -- on 15.5.1976. She was 43 at the time and I was 32 but that did not worry me as I had been told that I was infertile and could not have kids anyway.

The wedding was a "Scottish" one (at the Waverley Presbyterian church!) with many of the male guests (and myself) wearing the kilt. I also made up a tape of all the best Scottish sentimental songs and played it for a large part of our wedding reception.

You should have seen the funny faces as all the Scots tried to restrain the tears! I hadn't quite foreseen that but perhaps I should have. Anyway, it certainly did a lot of Scottish hearts good to see a Scots lass wed so far from home but amid such devotion to all things Scottish. Just writing that sentence brought tears to my eyes so I must be a pretty solid sentimentalist too.


On honeymoon at Peregian beach

Joy and I were together for about 8 years and she suited me very well. During the day I would usually be busy at University with my research and writing but I still kept good working class hours and would arrive home at about 5 p.m. -- like my father before me. Our usual routine of an evening was for us to sit around and chat between 5 and 6 p.m., go out to an ethnic restaurant at 6 and take a bottle of wine.

In 1977 I went to London on my Sabbatical year. Joy came with me but stayed only 2 or 3 months. While she was there she wanted a job. As she was still an SRN from her Glasgow days, so she first looked into becoming a "temp" nurse. She found it offered one pound an hour. She thought that was a bit derisory so looked for a job as a "temp" secretary. She also had those skills. She found that she could get TWO pounds an hour as a secretary so did the obvious. But something seems wrong there. British socialism?

She also noted that some of the hospitals she knew had new buildings attached. She was excited to see the new wards. Alas, they were office buildings: British bureaucracy. Puzzle solved. All that health bureaucracy required a lot of staff. So the big demand for secretaries bid up the wages of secretaries to double the wages of nurses. No doubt all those extra clerks cured a lot of people of their illnesses!

When I got back to Sydney I resumed my interest in Real Estate. I bought a block of flats at 13 Wallis Pde., Bondi in conjunction with Joy. I put in 25% and she put in 75% of the cost. They were the first places I "did up" -- prior to strata titling them. We later bought other properties but most of our business activities for some years afterwards consisted of managing what we had -- cleaning up after tenants, getting new tenants etc. We seemed to be doing a re-letting almost every second weekend as we had over 20 properties between us.

We lived for a couple of years in a rented unit at Randwick and then also for a time at 6 Norton St, Kingsford -- a house which Joy bought. It was next to her mother's house at 4 Norton St. 6 Norton St was just outside the Uni of NSW fence so for a couple of the 12 years I was a university lecturer I used to walk to work. When we eventually let 6 Norton St out it was to a Chinese man who liked the property because he thought it looked "very crean" (sic).

Leaving Sydney

When I began to get near 40 years of age I began (as many men do) to feel that I was in a rut (the mid-life crisis) and resolved to retire to Queensland. Joy and I had a great life together with everything more or less as I wanted it but I still felt that I wanted to make an entirely new start for the second half of my life -- including a new female or females in my life.

Joy always had more property (Real Estate) than I did and she would have been worth a couple of million at that stage (during the Sydney property boom of the late 80s). A lot of men aspire to marry a millionairess. I actually divorced one! Also to her credit was that she eventually got her Masters degree in Psychology

Her constant pleasantness, good cheer, enthusiasm and intelligence did make her a quite remarkable person and I do regard myself as lucky to have had so much time with such a fine woman.

I have not heard from her for some time but she would now be 92 so may be deceased. My pleasant little world seems likely to come to an end soon too

A reprieve

Earlier this week I had a pain in my chest, so went to see a GP about it -- the excellent Dr Deep. He immediatey ordered both an X-ray and a CT scan of my chest.

The reports that came back from the radiographers were dire. They showed me as riddled with cancer. Dr Deep took that onboard and sent me off for urgent radiotherapy. I left with the impression that I was a dead man walking. It was very upsetting but at age 81 that seemed reasonable.

I thought however that I should consult my oncologist before further action. Jenny and I saw him at 2.30pm yesterday afternoon. He had some useful scans of me from my past and concluded that most of my cancers were regressing or stable and already being successfully treated. There were just a few breakouts that could be successfully treated with radiotherapy

So once again my horizons were extended. I will not die of my present conditions

Jenny and I celebrated at 4pm with salty biscuits, Tarama and some good cheese; Jenny had some leftover wine and I had Sarsaparilla

And at 6.30pm I had Scotch steak & salad with bin 555 Shiraz followed by Pavlova and fancy icecream -- via Jenny

The treatment has not yet begun so I am still in pain, but my customary positive mood has returned

A good dinner

Last night was the last dinner I will have with Anne for the foreseeable futurre. We normally meet over Saturday breakfast only. So I was pleased that it worked out well. We ordered a couple of pork dishes from Ben's resturant nearby, which we ordered via Doordash. No need to go out in the cold.

I had pork with plum sauce and I was surpised that they did it so well. Many moons ago I used to get it from the Old Taiping Chinese resturant in Haymarket, Sydney. But subsequent restaurants have not been able to measure up to that. But Ben's Vietnamese in Annerley Rd was at last another place that did that dish well. They were big servings too

Anne and I waited for it to be delivered with the help of Tyrrell's Verdelho and a Mozart concert via Youtube from an orchestra in Iceland. So the combination of good wine, good food, good music and good company was hard to beat. More fun than an 81 year old had a right to expect. I went to bed with a smile on my face

And this morning we went to our old stamping ground, the cafe at Buranda, for breakfast. I had my usual calamari and Anne had a dish with a lot of good smoked salmon. She will go back to her place soon preparatory to flying back to Mt Isa tomorrow morning

Bon voyage dinner for Paul and family

Morning with Matthew

6pm at Jenny's, very good dinner, Pork sausages! Ken subdued, left early; Christopher talked a lot; Anne looked good in black and long hair; I talked with Susan; I gave a Filipino Bible for Mattthew;

Having both Anne and family together at a home dinner was really special to me. An assembly of my favorite people. I enjoyed it greatly. The family brunch on Tues 23 was good but this was better. The family were due to fly out next morning

A family brunch

To greet Anne, I arranged a brunch for all the family at my usual breakfast haunt in Buranda -- so that Anne and the family could see one another while both were in town. Paul and family have been in Brisbane since the beginning of the month and fly back to Scotland on 26th.

The Brunch was a great success with Anne getting to talk at some length with Susan, Jenny and Paul. It was a great pleasure to have Matthew, Elise and Primrose with us as well



Then that night, Anne and I Doordashed, getting in some excellent Korean fried chicken and talking until late.

Anne is back in town

But only for a week. She had got to Mt Isa in her caravan trip around Australia so was not due back in Brisbane for a while. But she had various things to do in Brisbane, including us having a dinner together in celebration of my b*rthday. She arrived this afternoon and I had the oysters and French cutlets ready for our traditional celebration dinner that night.

Celebrating Joe

Brek with Joe and me at 9.30am

Party to celebrate his birthday 6pm that night; family in attendance; much happy squealing from the girls. Joe wanted ice-cream and custard for his dessert so Jenny bought and decorated an ice-cream birthday cake for him. See him contemplating it below; The dinner was a Lasagne prepared by the wonderful Susan

Looking back

Given my recent 81st b*rthday, I have begun to think about how well I have used those 81 years. And I am rather amazed that all my original joints still work well most of the time, that I still have 10 each of fingers and toes and that I am usually in no pain or discomfort. I am full of two types of cancer but I am on medications that are slowly defeating both.

So is there any one occasion that was a highpoint in my life? I can think of many very pleasing occasions, not all of them fit for public mention, but I have chosen one that I do think was a highpoint in my life. It is already online here but the following is I think the essence of it. It was the occasion of my 53rd birthday:

"On the Monday itself I took JHM to The Clansmen restaurant. It has various Scottish features, a vaguely Scottish cuisine and is situated in a beautiful old colonial building at Annerley. It is a bit dear so I go there only on special occasions but when I do go I usually wear the kilt in honour of my shreds of Scottish ancestry (I have one ancestor with an Irish name [Joseph Kelly] who was born in Scotland and another ancestor with a Scottish name [Jane Burnside] who came from Ireland!).

On this occasion I wore full Highland formal dress: My red MacRae tartan kilt, white pleated dress shirt, black bow tie, black silk waistcoat, Prince Charlie jacket etc. JHM really loved it! I think "splendid" was her word for my attire on that occasion. JHM, of course dressed beautifully for the occasion too. She wore a shapely black classic suit she had bought from Harrods in London many years before and teamed it with a rather elaborate cream blouse that was also from Harrods. She has kept the same figure for many years and always buys classic styles so she can do that sort of thing. And since it was midwinter she put on her MINK jacket over it all to step outside the door. With her golden hair up in her usual chignon, with her fine white skin and her usual perfect grooming and poise she really looked as elegant a lady as any man has ever taken out.

I was equally aware that there was a brilliant brain behind the steady gaze of her pretty pale blue eyes so I felt a very fortunate man indeed at that dinner"

She and I are still in friendly contact but she too is now in her 80s and neither of us get out much these days

Recent events

I had a men's night for Paul but Christopher forgot; Matthew was in good voice; Paul used a big lot of Chili sauce on his dinner. Joe talked a lot

I had an 81st b*rthday party put on by Jenny at her place; egg-rolled park and TonKatsu; Pavlova birthday cake with candles; George P. especially welcome and took a big part in the conversation; Joe and I mostly listened

Good hats

Z is in Montenegro at the moment. She has sent me a number of pictures from her travels. I liked the one below. There are a lot of atttractive folk costumes in that part of the world

Real women

A real woman will find handsome men attractive and will be pleased and at least a bit excited to encounter one. He may be out of reach (as in being married to someone else) but they will still enjoy the experience.

But that might not always go anywhere even if opportunity knocks. Z once said to me: "I used to go for handsome men but they are all stupid". Z is exceptionally bright so the "all" in that utterance is probably true for her.

But the ultimate real woman is a wife. She enjoys being with one man so much that she acts on her feelings and makes a public committment to him. Real women like real men

And there are degrees of wifeliness. The ultimate wife is a Scottish wife. At a buffet or party in Scotland the men will sit around talking and the women will select a plate of food and bring it to him. Part of the reason for that is that he might select some food that he doesn't finish. But his wife knows what he "takes" and gives him just the right plate of food

So I was pleased yesterday at a family gathering when Jenny got me a plate of food and brought it to me while I was sitting down talking. And it included some of my favourite things

So the ultimate wife is a Scottish wife. Jenny is mostly Irish but we don't need to quibble about details

And we both have a "past". Jenny did once marry a handsome man and I did once marry an attractive Scotswoman

And Z did once go all the way to a place in Asia with hopes for a handsome man she knew