A smile not as good as the famous smile of Antonia Staats but of that ilk. In my late 50s. Not so good now
MOTTO: As Oscar Wilde may have said: "Life is too important to be taken seriously". But the Hagakure had the idea too: "Matters of great concern should be treated lightly"
It was the family favourite Indian restaurant. But it lives on in the same place under a new name and under new proprietors
Joe and I went to dinner there last night and we didn't notice anything different, though I think the food was a little dearer. Though $37.50 to feed two of us was still very moderate. I had the Jalfreezi chicken, which was excellent.
As usual, it was very lightly patronized. It is now called the "Spice Avenue". They are open until 10pm and are on ph. 3847 6755
I walked out my bedroom door this afternoon to find myself only a couple of feet away from a large and colourful snake. He was black with yellow spots. Quite attractive. He was sitting on my desk unmoving so I felt for a moment that it must be a plastic snake. I soon guessed however that it was a python. I had one here before a few years ago. He was a couple of metres long.
Migrants are often nervous of Australia's wildlife so to hear that you can suddenly have a large snake on your desk would freak them.
I called some snake catchers and they came quite promptly -- after about half an hour. They bagged him in minutes with no trouble. Their fee of $120 seemed reasonable for a Sunday callout. I don't now where they took him. To a Chinese restaurant maybe
Yesterday Anne and I went in to Toyota and put a deposit on a Prado. So that will progress when they get a new shipment of Prados in the New Year. She will probably garage the Prado at her place most of the time. I really have no use for it. My Echo is already perfect for me. But the Prado will be available to both our families if and when they have a use for it
The new arrangements we have entered into reflect the fact that I now spend most evenings with Jenny. Anne and I no longer have any regular meetings for dinner. Only our Saturday mornings remain a fixture
But our Saturday morning this morning was extremely good, with lots of laughs and jollity. We really have a great talent for good times together. We breakfasted at our usual place. Anne had Rosti. After breakfast we went to Vinnies and Anne came away with a very good pot for use in the caravan kitchen. After that we went back to my place and watched videos of classical music. She left about 11:30
After 15 years together, it was always likely that Anne and I would not be at odds for long. And so it has proved to be. We have just had a big pow-wow and have arrived at conclusions that suit both of us well. We both make one another very happy again. As Jenny is the lady in my life these days, Anne and I will not be attempting to revive our old arrangements but we will be reviving one thing that we have always particularly enjoyed: We will be having Saturday morning breakfasts together again.
An issue that had arisen between us concerned my idea of buying a Toyota Prado solely to tow the large caravan that Anne and George jointly own. For various reasons I had become unhappy with that idea. So we solved that issue in a matter of minutes by way of a good old British compromise. The purchase of a Prado will go ahead with Anne and me each paying half. Anne volunteered the remark that that sounded fairer and I of course agreed
I think I have now completed the transition to a new life pattern after the time early this year when my old life with Anne came to an end. I think we have now arrived at realisic new arrangements that should be stable, unstressful and lasting. We have an amazing capacity to make one-another happy and that has survived.
After our big reconciliation, we went and had lunch together -- at our usual cafe -- which was as jolly and affectionate as ever.
As a memento of our big day and its happy conclusion, I gave Anne a classic silver butter dish (with glass insert). She was with me when I bought it recently so it really was a memento
Much to my surprise, on Tuesday 10th, Anne sent me an email cancelling our weekly dinners. Later that day, however we exchanged messages of mutual esteem so the split was peaceful, which I value.
So in recent weeks I have lost 3 lady friends: JH, JD and Anne, which sounds distinctly careless
As the split with Anne was unexpected, the effect on my mood was potentially adverse so Joe stayed overnight at my place to give me company. We had a good night together, mainly talking and watching classical music videos, so that immediately lifted my spirits and I have been in good spirits since
So Anne dines most nights with her obliging partner, George Eakins, and I dine most nights with my obliging ex-wife Jenny. Jenny is, as ever, an excellent cook so I get dinners derived from an international range of cuisines. George is a Seventh Day Adventist so Anne cooks him vegetarian dinners.
Jenny and I have in recent days been on a couple of outings in her new and well-appointed Hyundai car. We dropped in on a couple of Op-shops along the way and I found two shirts that suited me well. Jenny bought more cookbooks for her collection.
On Saturday night she is cooking and bringing over to me some Larb Moo, a Thai dish we both like. I normally go over to her place for dinner, a 15 minute drive away.
A recent picture of Jenny
A recent picture of Anne
A recent picture of me
Anne is 75, I am 77, Jenny is 68 and George says he is 75, though he looks more like 60 to me
I wish I could say goodbye as gracefully as the pair below do
When I started out looking for a new girlfriend towards the beginning of this year, I was embarking on an unlikely enterprise. My state of health and fitness is so poor that it would need an exceptionally kind lady to take me on.
And after talking to a lot of ladies I have concluded that I have no chance. So I am giving up the quest. Unless I attract the interest of a another near-invalid, I am going to have to be happy with the friendships I already have
Fortunately, I am rather well off in that regard. Anne has never stopped seeing me one evening a week and I dine with Jenny five nights a week. I also see Joe five mornings a week.
And the occasions for all such meetings have now become routine -- always on the same nights and mornings. As I like routine that suits me very well.
As I am still in love with Anne, seeing her even for one night and morning is very rewarding.
Then there is Jenny. I have known Jenny for around 35 years. During the first ten of those years we were married. Ending the marriage did not end the friendship, however. We have remained very supportive of one another ever since. One illustration of our continued feelings for one another is that I gave her a car during our marriage but also gave her a car around ten years ago -- long after our marriage and while Anne and I were still an item
Dining most nights together is a revival of something that husbands and wives are accustomed to do so doing that again is something familiar to Jenny and me. I have asked her how she feels about continuing with that right through to my end in a few years' time. She said that she is happy with that
In summary, I have a steady refuge of affection and support in Jenny and a great highpoint in my week of my evening with Anne
So I think my life from now on will be very settled, which I like. No more adventures.
Last Friday Anne could not join me for dinner. We are transitioning from a Friday to a Tuesday for our weekly dinner -- a transition that suits both of us.
So on Friday I asked Joe if I could share his dinner that night. He was very obliging and agreed with great civility. Friday evening is the regular time for him to have dinner with an old university friend. They are both mathematicians and computer games fans. But he was happy to include me and I know his very amiable friend
Joe took us to a Shanghai Chinese restaurant that he knows near where he lives. He has visited Shanghai twice so knows the cuisine.
When the food arrived I was greatly surprised. I ordered chicken with rice but what I got was nowhere near what I expected. I will not attempt to describe it but it was certainly a new experience. I did eat (most of) it. Joe ate what I left.
So if you think you know Chinese food, you don't. The Chinese food we get here is mainly Cantonese but there are many cuisines in China. The Shanghainese regard the Cantonese as peasants.
The cook appeared to be a motherly old lady and the very slightly built Chinese waitress wore an amazingly short skirt! All rather memorable
John Ray's Home Page; My email: jonjayray@gmail.com . The Blogroll. Photo album for this blog here. Links to memoirs from previous years can be found at the foot of this page.
Brief bio
My full name is Dr. John Joseph RAY. I am a former university teacher aged 80 at the time of writing in late 2023. I was born of Australian pioneer stock in 1943 at Innisfail in the State of Queensland in Australia. After an early education at Innisfail State Rural School and Cairns State High School, I taught myself for matriculation. I took my B.A. in Psychology from the University of Queensland in Brisbane. I then moved to Sydney (in New South Wales, Australia) and took my M.A. in psychology from the University of Sydney in 1969 and my Ph.D. from the School of Behavioural Sciences at Macquarie University in 1974. I first tutored in psychology at Macquarie University and then taught sociology at the University of NSW. I am Australian born of working class origins and British ancestry. My doctorate is in psychology but I taught mainly sociology in my 14 years as a university teacher. In High Schools I taught economics. I have taught in both traditional and "progressive" (low discipline) High Schools. Fuller biographical notes here
What would I like to be remembered about me long after I am dead and gone?
I would like it to be remembered that I too often experienced one of life's greatest pleasures: The first mouthful of cold beer on a warm day.
That pleasure will last as long as human beings are human beings, I believe
(Mind you: A Vegemite sandwich when you have a skinfull is nearly as good -- but that is for Australians only)
I am less certain about Bach. The last thing that people will remember about me long after I have gone will probably be: "He liked Bach". Will J.S. Bach continue to inspire people for a thousand years more? I think so. But beyond that I am not sure.
And here is a distinction that will be uncomprehended within a few decades of my death: "He coded FORTRAN with great ease". There are already few who would understand that distinction
Some wisdom
Haggis: A primitive peasant food dragged out of obscurity and given eternal life by a poet
"It is of great importance to set a resolution, not to be shaken, never to tell an untruth. There is no vice so mean, so pitiful, so contemptible; and he who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and a third time, till at length it becomes habitual; he tells lies without attending to it, and truths without the world's believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and in time depraves all its good disposition." — Thomas Jefferson, 1785
“When you see a ball on the road, make a full stop. There’s usually a kid running right behind it.” — Paulina Gomez
My favourite scriptures:
But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (Matt. 19:14)
Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. (Eccl. 11:1)
My favourite words that were ever said to me: "It's good to be with you, John"
The way we were: My first graduation picture below, a very long time ago (1968) , holding a volume of the works of I.P. Pavlov. A total nerd -- but one who had girlfriends
Above: As I was in 2023
More pix -- wives first
Marrying DNB 1973
Honeymooning at Peregian with JP 1976
Jenny in 1984
Marrying Jenny
Jenny 2020
Marrying Big Kath. 1995
JHM, 1996
With first girlfriend Janet 1964
Joyce Hooper
Judith M 2004
The way we were. With Anne. 2006
Anne 2020
I too once wore black tie. In 1993 at The Mansions restaurant on Petrie Terrace. CW not shown as she took the picture
In the unlikely event that anybody wants to read what I wrote in years past, the archive links at the foot of this column make that easy.
The further back you go, however, the more you will encounter missing pictures. The net is like that. If you are interested in pictures you may therefore find it best to look at the single-page versions of these notes. I find it easier to keep the pictures up to date on them. They are as under:
