Saturday, July 2, 2022

My ring of fire

I first heard Johhny Cash singing "Ring of Fire" in the early'60s. It impressed me then and I still put it on occasionally.

It has however always peeved me a bit that none of my relationships over the years have seemed like a ring of fire. They all started out friendly and continued that way.

It has recently ocurred to me however that my present loving connection to Zoe is in fact quite a ring of fire -- though not quite in the sense intended by Johnny Cash

Zoe and I are each the opposite of what the other wants. It is a relationship that breaks all the rules. It even breaks my rules. Being reasonably tall myself, I have always liked tall women. I once married a lady who was 5'11". Zoe, however is only 5'1" tall!

She runs miles every day for exercise so is super fit whereas as I have never done any significant exercise and am so unfit it is a wonder I can still stand up at age 78.

Our backgrounds are very different. I am an unflappable Anglo-Saxon and pleased about that while she is a passionate and patriotic Serb. I was born into the world's most influential culture while she was born into a nation that almost everyone has trampled on. She speaks pretty good English but has such a strong accent that I fail to understand a lot of what she says.

Which could be a good thing. Our attitudes and beliefs are very different. I won't give the whole nine yards of it but, as one instance, she believes that the earth is flat whereas I am a conventional scientist with many papers in the academic journals.

We often tell one another to shut up, she nags me a lot and often hits and slaps me. I refuse to change my health and diet customs to suit her and she gets hugely jealous that I still see two of my "exes" as friends.

So how come we love one-another? A small part of it is that we both think the other is good-looking. Why she thinks that about me eludes me but I am glad of it anyhow. You can see her in many posts below or in the sidebar (Sidebar backups here or here)

I think the main influence that keeps us together is a principle I have always followed: If you find two good things in another person all the rest can be negotiated or adapted to. And the two things I particularly look for in women are a high IQ and a liking for classical music. Those are minority tastes but as an academic I am stuck with them.

And my little Serb has both of those rare qualities. Plus a good sense of humor and a liking for kisses and cuddles. She often falls asleep in my arms and I like that.

So how do I deal wih our ring of incomptibiliies?

I deal with them mainly by ignoring them. When she rattles on about her unusual beliefs -- which she often does -- I just take that as a conversation that requires no effort from me. From my mother on, most women in my life have been big talkers while their men did the listening. I am a good listener. And she will decease from a tirade if I tell her to.

But there is also a ring of compatibilities.

We are both high-functioning autistics so understand one-another's autistic behaviours. The fellowship of the autistics is an unlikely concept but something like that does seem to work for Zoe and me at times. Her hitting and slapping me is autistic but it is not done with enough force to be painful so I just smile indulgently at it.

And aging does mellow one. At my age I have nothing to prove and no need to achieve. So I can just sit back and enjoy a relationship.

It does look pretty unstable however. Her disappointment with me is considerable and we have a lot of conflict so how long the connection between us will last is hard to say for certain -- but I think we will endure. It's certainly an unusual love-affair but I am glad I have lived long enough to experience it. The conflict between us is not angry conflict, if that makes any sense

My comments on Johnny Cash are here

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